Isaac Apylon
Minmatar
Suddenly Ninjas
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Posted - 2010.10.03 21:24:00 -
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The Story:
Back in days long ago, I was a carebear, but not a happy one. The existential angst of the carebear had come upon me; I realized that my life of jet-canning with a Scythe, training for a Hulk, losing said Hulk, and general care-bearing was shallow, pointless, unprofitable, and generally "pathetic," to quote a C&P forum regular. I contemplated going off to DIAF (in game).
However, my saving grace had been introduced to me at an earlier date. Not too long ago, I had been can-flipped. Now, deep in care-despair, I decided to go can-flipping myself. Not content to go can-flipping in a mere frigate, I decided that, as my great middle finger to the mining profession, I would flip in the vehicle of evil itself. I grabbed my old Retriever, and set it up in a notably fail way for the purposes of bringing death to miners.
Retriever, Death Version:
Unimportant Crap I
Unimportant Crap I
Warp Disruptor I
Strip Miner I
Prototype Cloaking Device I
Acolyte I x5
That's right, a cloaky battle Retriever. My reasoning went thus:
If I warped into a belt and saw a can out, and attempted to slowboat in, the miner would surely see me coming and evacuate his can. Completely forgetting that one could quickly bookmark a can, I decided instead to warp in, cloak, and approach stealthily, so that the miner would not have the time to respond when my barge uncloaked off his bow. The sheer ******edness of this idea escaped me entirely.
Thus equipped, I went out to seek my prey. Through many systems I traveled, always checking the belts, always finding nothing. I mined a few 'roids as I did, to give me something to eject into my own can.
At long last, I flew into a belt, and spotted there the all important can, and next to it, a lone Procurer. Even I knew that procurers are a joke, and activated my cloaking device, ordering the barge forward to engage. Slowly, slowly I crept forward. I made a sammich. I ate the sammich. I fell asleep. Finally, the proximity claxons sounded; I had reached my target.
The cloak dropped, and in no time I had launched my own can and flipped the ore. Then I waited to see if my opponent would engage me in turn. Yes! The yellow box arrived and his drone came after me. I quickly locked him back, engaged my warp disruptor, and sent my drones out to not-so-gently touch his Procurer's hump. Our drones moved over each other's ships, trying to strip away the layers separating us. His shields dropped first, then his armor, until finally he was exposed and my drones nibbled at his soft hull. My ship approached his, so as to prevent escape. Down went his structure... 70%... come on, drones.... 50%... dropping so quickly, ships now almost touching ....20%.... almost there....10%, so close, I could feel it... 5%... almost therrrreeee....
Barge on Barge
He exploded, showering the belt with a mess of ore, ship parts, and rapidly expanding gases. I lay back, overwhelmed with victory, in my pod goo.
My bearginity now irrevocably gone, I left the belt, and the cloaky battle 'triever was stored safely in a hangar. Its purpose had been served. I moved on to other non-bear activities, my reasons for being in Eve now renewed. Ninja salvaging, wormhole hunting, and lowest pvp were my new activities, but I never did forget that little fight with the Procurer that ended my bearhood.
No good vs. RvB or the Misfits, but it was hilarious. Allright, where's my 200 mil?
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